Catfished

Catfishing: the process of luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.

6 signs someone might be a catfish

1. You’ve searched their name on the internet but they don’t seem to exist. Or they do, but the photos don’t match the photos on their dating profile.
2. They’re asking for money early into your relationship. They might be saying it’s to come and visit you.
3. They’re telling you they love you, but you’ve only been talking for a couple of days or weeks.
4. They’re avoiding face-to-face contact, either meeting up or video chats.
5. They’re just a little bit too perfect.
6. Their stories sometimes conflict with each other, or don’t quite add up.

I’vebeen catfished.  I decided to try an online dating app.  I swiped left a lot. I connected with a couple of guys but it went no further than one or two responses. 

And then I saw a guy whose smile appealed to me.  I said “hi, you have a nice smile “ and it went from there.  Very quickly we were chatting (texting) all the time – a couple of times a day.  I suggested we meet for a drink but didn’t get the response I wanted.  Fair enough, I thought, too early.  Let’s just see how it goes.

But as the days went on and we texted more I began to really like this guy.  I found myself thinking about him and smiling a lot. We were sharing so much information about each other – how our partners died, children, work, etc.  And then he said “I love you.” This took me aback.  It wasn’t possible for someone to fall in love with someone so quickly, especially without having met them. But I continued with the conversations and soon enough I found myself responding in the same vein.  We talked about our future, spending Christmas together with our children, his new house that was soon to be completed.

And then, just as I said we really had to meet in person, he had a contract overseas. He sent me through his flight itinerary (which I found a bit weird) and then rang me on arrival at the airport (though it was hard to hear anything). He also sent me documents of the contract he was awarded and signed.  We made plans.  He was flying back for a couple of weeks and we were going to spend that time together. Our relationship seemed to escalate and desire set in. I never thought I would have a relationship with anyone again. I was so happy.

And then thing started to go awry.  Something was wrong with the work and … he was short of funds. At that point I had expected him to ask me but he didn’t.  He simply said that on his return to Australia he would be able to access his money and fix things up.  All good. I must say I was relieved because it had started to feel a bit wary.

He said he and his daughter chatted every day.  I thought that strange but she’d lost her mother so maybe they were closely bonded. He told me that he’d told her about me and she was really supportive.  Then his daughter texted me to say how pleased she was that I was in her dad’s life and that she’d not seen him this happy for such a long time.  All nice enough except she also said she was happy to have a new “mom”. Why would a 20 year old say that?  It doesn’t make sense.  Then I checked her phone number and it wasn’t a Florida number but one in Minnesota – thousands of miles away.  I began to suspect I was being had. It was all too good.  She was vague on details in answering my questions but seemed to have all my information at hand.  Hmmm.

I asked him about that and got an explanation that didn’t really convince me but I let it go.  And then the other night, the big ask came.  I said no, I didn’t have any funds, as I had told him at the start. All of a sudden the conversation ceased.  I went to sleep feeling I had lost something.  I felt so deflated.

We continued our communications the next couple of days as though nothing was wrong (but for me deep suscipicion and lack of trust had set in). And then it came again: could I raise between $10K and $15k. By this time I knew I was being catfished so I said yes.  I said there was a family trust I could probably access (no such trust exists but I figured I would have some fun seeing how much he squirmed). I also went on-line and did a visual image search: nothing: no social media presence whatsoever. Not in itself strange, but unusal in this day and age – even my mother has a social media presence. I paid for a search on a US database (he’s ostensibly from Florida) and it came up with nothing. This means no parking tickets, no fines, no presence anywhere.  He didn’t exist in the database.  Not even an address.

So now its my turn to play with the hook, dangling it to see what I can catch.  Strangely all the documentation I asked for (including passport and contract) was sent within 12 hours. But suspicion has set in.

The saddest bit for me is not the embarrassment –  I’m readily telling people I’ve been catfished – it’s the fact that for a moment I felt so happy and had such hope for a future.

Old adages are so true:  there’s no fool like an old fool.  And I do feel like a very foolish old woman  But fortunately I still have my wits about me and can sense a scam.

So its back to my solitary life,  Ast least I have a faithful 4 legged fried to keep me company.

Stay tuned for next intalment….